Tag: 2.10

When we state a new goal it means we have to say that certain aspects of our lives aren’t working the way they should. It means that we have to say that we have failed up to this point.

Today we are going to tap for the fear of admitting that we have made mistakes and haven’t yet reached our goals.

Working Towards My Goal Means I Have To Admit I Have Failed Up To Now
(audio 4m02s)

There’s a part of me that wants to move forward…There’s a part of me that wants to go after this new goal…There’s a part of me that wants transformation…But in order to have transformation…I have to be honest with the fact…That what I have right now…Isn’t perfect…What I have right now…Is full of problems…And I’ve created the circumstance I’m in…I’ve made choices to put myself here…And if I’m admitting everything isn’t perfect…I have to also admit that I have failed…I have to admit that I made mistakes…I have to admit that I made bad choices…I have to admit that I where I am isn’t healthy…I have to admit I haven’t taken action soon enough…And all of those things are hard to do…But regardless how I got to this point…Regardless of the choices before now…The fact that I am making a choice…And wanting to move forward…Is a good thing…The fact that I am making choices…And wanting to strive…Is a good thing…Things were not perfect up to this moment…I’ve created a life that is far from perfect…But what is much more important…Is my willingness today…To make a different choice…To make a better choice…To make new choices…Yes, I have made bad choices…Yes, I have failed…And to strive for something new is to admit that…But being honest with where I am…And striving for where I want to be…Is more important than the choices that have led to now…I give myself permission to move forward…Being honest with where I’ve been…And striving for where I want to be.

It would be nice if everyone in our lives were as committed to our success as we are. And our loved ones might even say out loud that they support us.

But there will be times when our success makes our loved ones feel uncomfortable. They might feel like they are failing because they haven’t had the same success. Or they might feel that our success is making us “too big for our britches”.

If we feel like our success will have a negative impact on our relationships with loved ones then it’s possible that we will hold ourselves back so as not to cause them pain.

Today we are going to tap for the way others may react to our success.

Others Won’t Like My Success
(audio 4m50s)

I want to be successful…I want to achieve this goal…Because I know this goal will improve my life…It will make my life richer…It will make my life better….And when my life changes…In one way…It ripples through the rest of my life…It touches other parts of my life….It impacts all the relationships I have…There will be times where this is a really good thing…My growth will encourage others…My transformation will be a model for others…My moving forward will create that positive rippling effect in others’ lives…There are going to be other times…Where my success will challenge others…Challenge them in a way that makes them uncomfortable… Challenges them in a way that makes them uneasy…Challenges them in a way where they have to look at their own lives…And recognize it’s not moving forward…And when this happens…It is possible that they will lash out…Sometimes in direct ways…And sometimes in passive-aggressive ways…But it’s going to be obvious…That they are dissatisfied with me…And my progress…But the truth is…They are dissatisfied with themselves…They are dissatisfied with their own choices…They are dissatisfied with their own lives…They are dissatisfied in how things are unfolding…In big and small ways…They are feeling dissatisfied…And that blow back hits me…It would be great if everybody was happy with my success…It would be great if everybody celebrated my success…But when my success makes other people uncomfortable…That is their responsibility…That is their choice…It would be great if they were happy…But I can’t control that…I need to keep moving towards my own success… Because that serves all.

It is really easy to get caught up in what others think about us, our effort, our work, and our goals.

When we worry about what others think we become hesitant and stop making progress.

Today we tap to clear our concerns about what others think of us and our goals.

The Opinions Of Others Do Not Define Me
(audio 4m33s)

I’m glad I have people in my life…I’m glad I have people in my life who are aware of my choices…Who know what I’m striving for…Who know what I’m striving to be…There are going to be times…When the people in my life…Do not support the work that I do…Do not like the choices I make…And that might be because they think they’re the wrong choices…Or it might be that my choices are making them uncomfortable…My growing and stretching…Shines a light on the fact that they are no longer growing and stretching…So that I become hesitant in my choices…Because I don’t want to be judged…I don’t want them to think I’m making a mistake…I don’t want them to think badly of me…I don’t want them to be uncomfortable…And it is good…That there is a part of me…That is trying to be thoughtful…And considerate of others…But I need to make the choices that are right for me…I need to make these choices with confidence…I need to move forward comfortably…I need to know that it is OK…And as I move forward…I’m doing it to become the best me…And it would be great…If everybody in my life loved and supported all of my choices…Appreciated everything that I was doing…But that’s not going to happen…Because my choices are not their choices…And I give myself permission…To know that I don’t have to please everyone…With every one of my choices…I don’t have to make everyone comfortable…With all of my choices…I give myself permission…To take the choice boldly…That are right for me…As I move forward…In big and small ways…I can make the choices I need to make…Not wanting to run over other people’s feelings…But knowing I need to be me…I’m responsible for me…They’re responsible for themselves…It’s good that I’m thoughtful…It’s good that I am considerate…But my choices…Need to be the choices that are right for me.

With the exception of Daddy Warbucks from Annie, I can’t think of a single rich, successful person who is nice in movies.

And I understand why. It doesn’t make for very good drama. Good drama is the little guy struggling to overcome obstacles against all the odds.

Because of this, it is easy for us to hold the belief (on a subconscious level) that if we become successful then we will also turn into a horrible person.

Let’s tap to clear that belief.

What If I End Up Like Those Other Arrogant Successful People
(audio 3m35s)

I want to move forward…I want to be successful…I want to have opportunities…I want to grow…But there’s a part of me…The subconscious part of me…That believes successful people…Are mean and nasty…Successful people are arrogant…Successful people are full of themselves…Successful people have taken advantage of others to get ahead…And even though I consciously know this is not true…There’s a part of me that’s been given the story over and over and over again…It’s a story that shows up all the time in pop culture…And it’s really easy to buy into…I know people who have been successful who aren’t jerks…I know people who have been successful who aren’t arrogant…I know people who are successful who didn’t step on others to get that success…It is possible for me…To have success and move forward…Without turning into an arrogant jerk…Without becoming nasty…Just because I’m successful…It doesn’t mean…I lose who I am…I can be successful…And keep my values…I can be successful…And keep my purpose…I can be successful…And be a good person…Success won’t make me arrogant…Success is simply me being me to my full potential.

I am very comfortable being who I am right now. Even though it is so much less than what I think I can be, it is predictable. I know what others expect of me and I know what to expect from myself.

As we pursue our goals and evolve into something new we can be concerned that we don’t know how to act as our new self. This seems like an unlikely reason to be holding ourselves back, but I have found with myself and my clients that this fear is a powerful motivator for not taking action.

What If I Don’t Know How To Be The New Me?
(audio 3m05s)

I’m glad I’m moving forward…I’m glad I’m making progress…I’m glad transformation is happening…And that I’m shedding old patterns…And moving forward in a healthy way…But I’m concerned…As I start to see myself in a new way…As I start to see the world in a new way…I’m going to act differently…All the old habits…Many of the old ways of seeing the world…Are being released with the old beliefs…And now as I navigate the world…I have to do it in a new way…New is scary…Different is scary…But I give myself permission…That with the transformation…I’m gaining resources…And ability…To navigate this world in a new way…So even though I don’t know exactly what to do…I can respond to the new way…And as I start to act in new ways… I will continue to grow into the new me…Making it even easier…To take on the new and different… Transformation is a process…I don’t have to get it right in the first try…It’s OK as I learn my way…Into the new ways of acting.

When we make a change or reach a new goal the people who are closest to us will notice.

We will look different, carry ourselves differently, or be spending our time in new ways.

This new found attention can feel scary to that part of us that is comfortable flying beneath the radar.

If we fear that our success will equal us being noticed then we will find ways to sabotage ourselves and shield ourselves from that attention.

Let’s tap for the fear of being noticed once we are successful.

If I Am Successful Everyone Will See Me
(audio 4m45s)

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I want to move forward…I want to be successful…I want to achieve my goals…I want to have better…I want to challenge myself…And reach new heights…But there’s a part of me that’s worried…That if I achieve…That if I move forward…That if I’m successful… I’m setting myself up for trouble…Because if I’m successful…If I do this well…If I exceed expectations…My new level of success…Will be what is expected of me in future…Everybody will expect more of me…And I’m working hard to meet these goals…And if they expect more of me…I have to work harder all the time…I give myself permission to know…I can be successful…And meet my standards…I can be successful…And meet my expectations…Because my standards…And my expectations…Are what are most important…It’s less important…What others hold me to…I can be successful…I can move forward…Without making it harder for myself…By feeling like expectations have been raised…

It seems silly that we would be afraid of achieving success.

It is one of the biggest fears I see in my clients when it comes to short circuiting their success.

When we succeed we can raise the expectations of others and this can be scary. When we fear this we will make sure that we fail.

Let’s tap for worrying about raising others’ expectations.

Fear Of Being Successful
(audio 4m17s)

I want to be successful…I want to move forward…I want to achieve my goals… I want life to be better…I want life to be fuller…I want life to be richer…But for some reason… success is scary…When I’m successful, I raise other people’s expectations…When I’m successful, I raise my own expectations…When I’m successful, I taste the good life…And it’s possible to lose it…And the pain of knowing better and then losing it…Feels like it’s so much worse…Than never experiencing the pleasure of success at all…When things go well…There’s always the sense…That the other shoe is going to drop…And if I’m successful…I will be constantly looking over my shoulder…For that other thing to go wrong…But I give myself permission…To recognize I can manage success…I can enjoy success…Without feeling overburdened by new expectations…Without feeling overburdened by others’ expectations…Without feeling overburdened of the fear of losing success…It’s possible I might have success and lose it…But since I achieved it once…I know I can achieve it again…And again…And again…Success will change my life…It will bring new things…The unknown can be scary…But I can manage these new and different things…Nice big deep breath.

My life is far from typical. I make choices that most people won’t make. Because of this loved ones have questioned my choices (and my sanity).

It can be hard enough trying something new. It gets even harder when we worry that the people in our lives will think our goals and dreams are foolish.

Today we tap for people judging what we are trying as silly and foolish.

Permission To Quit
(audio 3m40s)

I have a sense of what I want…Even if it isn’t a perfect picture…I know the direction I’m heading…And the goals that I have…Are my goals…They’re personal goals…They’re about me…And about who I want to be…They’re not about anyone else…And when I state my goals…Others may not think they’re very good…Some people will think they’re foolish…Some people will think that they are a waste of time…Some people will think that they’re just stupid…They might even tell me that…They might even make fun of me…My goals are about me…My goals are about making my life better…My goals are about making my life richer…My goals are about making my life full of joy… It does not matter what other people think about my goals…It doesn’t matter if they think they’re foolish…It doesn’t even matter if they say they’re foolish…My goals are about me…They’re not about them…My goals are about my joy…They’re not about them…It doesn’t matter…What they think…What matters is what I think…What matters is what is right for me…What matters are my goals and my life.

One of the things that holds me back is the worry that if I do something well then everyone will expect me to achieve that standard again.

When this happens a part of me holds me back from success to make sure I don’t create higher expectations that I will have to live up to in the future.

Let’s tap for this worry!

Expectations
(audio 3m36s)

I want to move forward…I want to be successful…I want to achieve my goals…I want to have better…I want to challenge myself…And reach new heights…But there’s a part of me that’s worried…That if I achieve…That if I move forward…That if I’m successful…I’m setting myself up for trouble…Because if I’m successful…If I do this well…If I exceed expectations…My new level of success…Will be what is expected of me in future…Everybody will expect more of me…And I’m working hard to meet these goals…And if they expect more of me…I have to work harder all the time…I give myself permission to know…I can be successful…And meet my standards…I can be successful…And meet my expectations…Because my standards…And my expectations…Are what are most important…It’s less important…What others hold me to…I can be successful…I can move forward…Without making it harder for myself…By feeling like expectations have been raised…