Our loved ones can be our harshest critics. It might be because they can feel liberated to criticize because they are so close to us. It might have to do with the fact that they feel uncomfortable by our effort to move forward.
Regardless why it happen, it can be really hard when we are judged by those close to us.
Today we are going to tap for the emotions that come with the harsh critique of our loved ones.
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In order to pursue our goals we need to spend time, emotion, and energy to make those goals happen.
This might mean that we stop doing other tasks and spend less time with the people in our lives. As much as our loved ones want what is best for us, they sometimes push back on us for trying to achieve our goals. They might even think or call us selfish for doing something for ourselves.
Today we are going to tap for the fear that others will perceive us as selfish for doing something for ourselves.
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Our goals are a very personal thing. Sometimes we want what others want and sometimes we want something different that is completely personal. Because it so personal there are times when others don’t understand what we are up to or why we want it.
Today we are going to tap for the push back we receive from those in our lives who don’t understand and support what we are up to.
Making changes in our lives often has consequences and impacts our relationships. If you go back to school, for example, you may have less time to spend with loved ones.
It’s possible that the people your lives will react negatively when you change. They might feel like they are being left behind, that you think you too good for them, or they may feel bad because they don’t have the courage to make changes themselves.
Today we are going to tap for how the negative reactions of others to our change might slow us down.
In order to achieve our goals we need to work hard. Most of the reward comes in achieving our goals. It is also nice to be acknowledged by others for all the work we are doing. It can really hurt when our hard work is not being noticed by others.
Today we are going to tap for those times when we feel (even a little) emotional pain when others are not recognizing our work.
It Hurts When Others Don’t See How Hard I Am Working
(audio 4m11s)
I’m working really hard…I’m really committed to my goals…I’m taking bold action…I’m looking at the parts of my life that I’m not thrilled with…My efforts are far from perfect…And I’m sure I could be doing more…But I am committed to this…I am working hard…And the people around me just don’t realize it…The people around me don’t realize how much this costs…The people around me don’t realize how important this is…The people around me don’t realize how much effort I’m putting in…The people around me don’t realize how hard I’m trying…And I wish they understood…I wish they noticed…I wish they knew…It would be so nice to have their support…It would be so nice to have their encouragement…Not that I have to have it…Not that it’s a requirement for my success…But having people understand is important…Having people understand is encouraging…Having people understand is comforting…As I continue to work…As I continue to move forward…The people around me are going to catch up…They’re going to start to notice the positive change…They’re going to notice the effort that I am putting in…They’re going to see this work for what it is…And regardless if they notice or not…What’s more important is the fact that I notice…I recognize my commitment…I recognize my effort…I recognize why I’m doing this…It would be great to have more support…It would be great to have more recognition…But if it comes or not…I’m going to continue to strive…Put forth the effort…Because my work and transformation is the most important thing.
When we want more we are in some way saying that what we have is not enough. This can cause an internal conflict because do not want to be ungrateful for what we already have.
Today we are going to tap for the conflict between being thankful for what we have AND wanting more.
By Wanting More I Feel Ungrateful For What I Already Have
(audio 3m22s)
There’s a part of me…That really wants to move forward…There’s a part of me…That sees these wonderful goals I’m striving for…There’s a part of me…That is ready to move forward…But when I name something new…When I name something better that I want…It feels like I’m saying…What I have simply isn’t enough…It feels like I’m saying…I don’t appreciate where I am…I don’t appreciate what others have done for me…I don’t appreciate all the gifts in my life…I don’t appreciate the fact that I have it better than most…It is possible for me…To continue to move forward…To strive for better…To strive for more…And still appreciate where I am…Still appreciate what I have…Still appreciate everything that’s happened in my life…I can strive for more and appreciate what I have…I can appreciate what I have and still have energy to strive for more…Striving for more…And appreciating what I have…Are not mutually exclusive…They can happen simultaneously…And they can both serve me…I want to appreciate what I have…I want to strive for more…I give myself permission….To do both at the exact same time.
It would be nice if everyone in our lives were as committed to our success as we are. And our loved ones might even say out loud that they support us.
But there will be times when our success makes our loved ones feel uncomfortable. They might feel like they are failing because they haven’t had the same success. Or they might feel that our success is making us “too big for our britches”.
If we feel like our success will have a negative impact on our relationships with loved ones then it’s possible that we will hold ourselves back so as not to cause them pain.
Today we are going to tap for the way others may react to our success.
Others Won’t Like My Success
(audio 4m50s)
I want to be successful…I want to achieve this goal…Because I know this goal will improve my life…It will make my life richer…It will make my life better….And when my life changes…In one way…It ripples through the rest of my life…It touches other parts of my life….It impacts all the relationships I have…There will be times where this is a really good thing…My growth will encourage others…My transformation will be a model for others…My moving forward will create that positive rippling effect in others’ lives…There are going to be other times…Where my success will challenge others…Challenge them in a way that makes them uncomfortable… Challenges them in a way that makes them uneasy…Challenges them in a way where they have to look at their own lives…And recognize it’s not moving forward…And when this happens…It is possible that they will lash out…Sometimes in direct ways…And sometimes in passive-aggressive ways…But it’s going to be obvious…That they are dissatisfied with me…And my progress…But the truth is…They are dissatisfied with themselves…They are dissatisfied with their own choices…They are dissatisfied with their own lives…They are dissatisfied in how things are unfolding…In big and small ways…They are feeling dissatisfied…And that blow back hits me…It would be great if everybody was happy with my success…It would be great if everybody celebrated my success…But when my success makes other people uncomfortable…That is their responsibility…That is their choice…It would be great if they were happy…But I can’t control that…I need to keep moving towards my own success… Because that serves all.
It is really easy to get caught up in what others think about us, our effort, our work, and our goals.
When we worry about what others think we become hesitant and stop making progress.
Today we tap to clear our concerns about what others think of us and our goals.
The Opinions Of Others Do Not Define Me
(audio 4m33s)
I’m glad I have people in my life…I’m glad I have people in my life who are aware of my choices…Who know what I’m striving for…Who know what I’m striving to be…There are going to be times…When the people in my life…Do not support the work that I do…Do not like the choices I make…And that might be because they think they’re the wrong choices…Or it might be that my choices are making them uncomfortable…My growing and stretching…Shines a light on the fact that they are no longer growing and stretching…So that I become hesitant in my choices…Because I don’t want to be judged…I don’t want them to think I’m making a mistake…I don’t want them to think badly of me…I don’t want them to be uncomfortable…And it is good…That there is a part of me…That is trying to be thoughtful…And considerate of others…But I need to make the choices that are right for me…I need to make these choices with confidence…I need to move forward comfortably…I need to know that it is OK…And as I move forward…I’m doing it to become the best me…And it would be great…If everybody in my life loved and supported all of my choices…Appreciated everything that I was doing…But that’s not going to happen…Because my choices are not their choices…And I give myself permission…To know that I don’t have to please everyone…With every one of my choices…I don’t have to make everyone comfortable…With all of my choices…I give myself permission…To take the choice boldly…That are right for me…As I move forward…In big and small ways…I can make the choices I need to make…Not wanting to run over other people’s feelings…But knowing I need to be me…I’m responsible for me…They’re responsible for themselves…It’s good that I’m thoughtful…It’s good that I am considerate…But my choices…Need to be the choices that are right for me.
With the exception of Daddy Warbucks from Annie, I can’t think of a single rich, successful person who is nice in movies.
And I understand why. It doesn’t make for very good drama. Good drama is the little guy struggling to overcome obstacles against all the odds.
Because of this, it is easy for us to hold the belief (on a subconscious level) that if we become successful then we will also turn into a horrible person.
Let’s tap to clear that belief.
What If I End Up Like Those Other Arrogant Successful People
(audio 3m35s)
I want to move forward…I want to be successful…I want to have opportunities…I want to grow…But there’s a part of me…The subconscious part of me…That believes successful people…Are mean and nasty…Successful people are arrogant…Successful people are full of themselves…Successful people have taken advantage of others to get ahead…And even though I consciously know this is not true…There’s a part of me that’s been given the story over and over and over again…It’s a story that shows up all the time in pop culture…And it’s really easy to buy into…I know people who have been successful who aren’t jerks…I know people who have been successful who aren’t arrogant…I know people who are successful who didn’t step on others to get that success…It is possible for me…To have success and move forward…Without turning into an arrogant jerk…Without becoming nasty…Just because I’m successful…It doesn’t mean…I lose who I am…I can be successful…And keep my values…I can be successful…And keep my purpose…I can be successful…And be a good person…Success won’t make me arrogant…Success is simply me being me to my full potential.
Being spiritual is a good thing.
Often we think of spiritual as simple, humble, and grounded, which is true, but that can feel like it is the opposite of successful.
It is possible to be both spiritual and successful in the world.
Here is how we can tap for any limiting beliefs we have about that:
I Can’t Be Spiritual AND Successful
(audio 3m19s)