When we set out to do something we have never done before there will be lots of steps and tasks that are new to us.
In this circumstance it is easy to be self-conscious about looking like we don’t know what we are doing.
Today we are going to tap for fear of being judged as we taken on things that are new to us.
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Remembering and learning from past mistakes is a good thing because it helps us to make better choices in the future.
But we run into trouble when the lesson we learned from past failures is that we are failures and that we will fail again.
Today we are going to tap for feeling that failure is a pattern we are bound to keep repeating.
Making changes in our lives often has consequences and impacts our relationships. If you go back to school, for example, you may have less time to spend with loved ones.
It’s possible that the people your lives will react negatively when you change. They might feel like they are being left behind, that you think you too good for them, or they may feel bad because they don’t have the courage to make changes themselves.
Today we are going to tap for how the negative reactions of others to our change might slow us down.
In order to achieve our goals we need to work hard. Most of the reward comes in achieving our goals. It is also nice to be acknowledged by others for all the work we are doing. It can really hurt when our hard work is not being noticed by others.
Today we are going to tap for those times when we feel (even a little) emotional pain when others are not recognizing our work.
It Hurts When Others Don’t See How Hard I Am Working
(audio 4m11s)
I’m working really hard…I’m really committed to my goals…I’m taking bold action…I’m looking at the parts of my life that I’m not thrilled with…My efforts are far from perfect…And I’m sure I could be doing more…But I am committed to this…I am working hard…And the people around me just don’t realize it…The people around me don’t realize how much this costs…The people around me don’t realize how important this is…The people around me don’t realize how much effort I’m putting in…The people around me don’t realize how hard I’m trying…And I wish they understood…I wish they noticed…I wish they knew…It would be so nice to have their support…It would be so nice to have their encouragement…Not that I have to have it…Not that it’s a requirement for my success…But having people understand is important…Having people understand is encouraging…Having people understand is comforting…As I continue to work…As I continue to move forward…The people around me are going to catch up…They’re going to start to notice the positive change…They’re going to notice the effort that I am putting in…They’re going to see this work for what it is…And regardless if they notice or not…What’s more important is the fact that I notice…I recognize my commitment…I recognize my effort…I recognize why I’m doing this…It would be great to have more support…It would be great to have more recognition…But if it comes or not…I’m going to continue to strive…Put forth the effort…Because my work and transformation is the most important thing.
It would be nice if everyone in our lives were as committed to our success as we are. And our loved ones might even say out loud that they support us.
But there will be times when our success makes our loved ones feel uncomfortable. They might feel like they are failing because they haven’t had the same success. Or they might feel that our success is making us “too big for our britches”.
If we feel like our success will have a negative impact on our relationships with loved ones then it’s possible that we will hold ourselves back so as not to cause them pain.
Today we are going to tap for the way others may react to our success.
Others Won’t Like My Success
(audio 4m50s)
I want to be successful…I want to achieve this goal…Because I know this goal will improve my life…It will make my life richer…It will make my life better….And when my life changes…In one way…It ripples through the rest of my life…It touches other parts of my life….It impacts all the relationships I have…There will be times where this is a really good thing…My growth will encourage others…My transformation will be a model for others…My moving forward will create that positive rippling effect in others’ lives…There are going to be other times…Where my success will challenge others…Challenge them in a way that makes them uncomfortable… Challenges them in a way that makes them uneasy…Challenges them in a way where they have to look at their own lives…And recognize it’s not moving forward…And when this happens…It is possible that they will lash out…Sometimes in direct ways…And sometimes in passive-aggressive ways…But it’s going to be obvious…That they are dissatisfied with me…And my progress…But the truth is…They are dissatisfied with themselves…They are dissatisfied with their own choices…They are dissatisfied with their own lives…They are dissatisfied in how things are unfolding…In big and small ways…They are feeling dissatisfied…And that blow back hits me…It would be great if everybody was happy with my success…It would be great if everybody celebrated my success…But when my success makes other people uncomfortable…That is their responsibility…That is their choice…It would be great if they were happy…But I can’t control that…I need to keep moving towards my own success… Because that serves all.
It is really easy to get caught up in what others think about us, our effort, our work, and our goals.
When we worry about what others think we become hesitant and stop making progress.
Today we tap to clear our concerns about what others think of us and our goals.
The Opinions Of Others Do Not Define Me
(audio 4m33s)
I’m glad I have people in my life…I’m glad I have people in my life who are aware of my choices…Who know what I’m striving for…Who know what I’m striving to be…There are going to be times…When the people in my life…Do not support the work that I do…Do not like the choices I make…And that might be because they think they’re the wrong choices…Or it might be that my choices are making them uncomfortable…My growing and stretching…Shines a light on the fact that they are no longer growing and stretching…So that I become hesitant in my choices…Because I don’t want to be judged…I don’t want them to think I’m making a mistake…I don’t want them to think badly of me…I don’t want them to be uncomfortable…And it is good…That there is a part of me…That is trying to be thoughtful…And considerate of others…But I need to make the choices that are right for me…I need to make these choices with confidence…I need to move forward comfortably…I need to know that it is OK…And as I move forward…I’m doing it to become the best me…And it would be great…If everybody in my life loved and supported all of my choices…Appreciated everything that I was doing…But that’s not going to happen…Because my choices are not their choices…And I give myself permission…To know that I don’t have to please everyone…With every one of my choices…I don’t have to make everyone comfortable…With all of my choices…I give myself permission…To take the choice boldly…That are right for me…As I move forward…In big and small ways…I can make the choices I need to make…Not wanting to run over other people’s feelings…But knowing I need to be me…I’m responsible for me…They’re responsible for themselves…It’s good that I’m thoughtful…It’s good that I am considerate…But my choices…Need to be the choices that are right for me.
I am very comfortable being who I am right now. Even though it is so much less than what I think I can be, it is predictable. I know what others expect of me and I know what to expect from myself.
As we pursue our goals and evolve into something new we can be concerned that we don’t know how to act as our new self. This seems like an unlikely reason to be holding ourselves back, but I have found with myself and my clients that this fear is a powerful motivator for not taking action.
What If I Don’t Know How To Be The New Me?
(audio 3m05s)
I’m glad I’m moving forward…I’m glad I’m making progress…I’m glad transformation is happening…And that I’m shedding old patterns…And moving forward in a healthy way…But I’m concerned…As I start to see myself in a new way…As I start to see the world in a new way…I’m going to act differently…All the old habits…Many of the old ways of seeing the world…Are being released with the old beliefs…And now as I navigate the world…I have to do it in a new way…New is scary…Different is scary…But I give myself permission…That with the transformation…I’m gaining resources…And ability…To navigate this world in a new way…So even though I don’t know exactly what to do…I can respond to the new way…And as I start to act in new ways… I will continue to grow into the new me…Making it even easier…To take on the new and different… Transformation is a process…I don’t have to get it right in the first try…It’s OK as I learn my way…Into the new ways of acting.
When we make a change or reach a new goal the people who are closest to us will notice.
We will look different, carry ourselves differently, or be spending our time in new ways.
This new found attention can feel scary to that part of us that is comfortable flying beneath the radar.
If we fear that our success will equal us being noticed then we will find ways to sabotage ourselves and shield ourselves from that attention.
Let’s tap for the fear of being noticed once we are successful.
If I Am Successful Everyone Will See Me
(audio 4m45s)
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I want to move forward…I want to be successful…I want to achieve my goals…I want to have better…I want to challenge myself…And reach new heights…But there’s a part of me that’s worried…That if I achieve…That if I move forward…That if I’m successful… I’m setting myself up for trouble…Because if I’m successful…If I do this well…If I exceed expectations…My new level of success…Will be what is expected of me in future…Everybody will expect more of me…And I’m working hard to meet these goals…And if they expect more of me…I have to work harder all the time…I give myself permission to know…I can be successful…And meet my standards…I can be successful…And meet my expectations…Because my standards…And my expectations…Are what are most important…It’s less important…What others hold me to…I can be successful…I can move forward…Without making it harder for myself…By feeling like expectations have been raised…
My life is far from typical. I make choices that most people won’t make. Because of this loved ones have questioned my choices (and my sanity).
It can be hard enough trying something new. It gets even harder when we worry that the people in our lives will think our goals and dreams are foolish.
Today we tap for people judging what we are trying as silly and foolish.
Permission To Quit
(audio 3m40s)
I have a sense of what I want…Even if it isn’t a perfect picture…I know the direction I’m heading…And the goals that I have…Are my goals…They’re personal goals…They’re about me…And about who I want to be…They’re not about anyone else…And when I state my goals…Others may not think they’re very good…Some people will think they’re foolish…Some people will think that they are a waste of time…Some people will think that they’re just stupid…They might even tell me that…They might even make fun of me…My goals are about me…My goals are about making my life better…My goals are about making my life richer…My goals are about making my life full of joy… It does not matter what other people think about my goals…It doesn’t matter if they think they’re foolish…It doesn’t even matter if they say they’re foolish…My goals are about me…They’re not about them…My goals are about my joy…They’re not about them…It doesn’t matter…What they think…What matters is what I think…What matters is what is right for me…What matters are my goals and my life.